Thursday, March 31, 2011

Wondering about the new "girls"

Today, I met my bosom buddy Sara, and our new bosom buddy Laura, for lunch. Sara and I went through radiation together and she just got her new "girls" last week. Laura is currently undergoing chemo and has surgery following her treatment.

Anyway, Sara was telling us about how her surgery went and what the girls feel like. She said she has to massage them three times a day for about 2-3 minutes each for two months to prevent movement or hardening. The plastic surgeon showed Sara the correct massage technique. As she said, "it was weird to have another man massage my chest." I told her the massages sound like a great job for her husband to master. Although she doesn't have her tattoos yet, she said they look real, but over the next few months they will move down a little to a more natural location.

I know they will look great once all is done which is the reason I can't wait for my new girls. Last summer when I was visiting my radiologist, Nurse D stepped in and said to me, "I know how you feel. Thirteen years ago I had breast cancer and had a double mastectomy." They gave her only a 15 percent chance survival rate. "They told me to prepare my children," she said. Well, goes to show medical science doesn't know everything. Then Nurse D asked if I wanted to see them. I couldn't believe it. For a second, I debated but then got curious. "Sure," I said. Without hesitation, Nurse D pulled up her top and whipped the girls out. They looked so real. Then, Nurse D asked, "Do you want to feel them?" Again, I paused, thought, and then said, "Please." I got a pretty good grip and exclaimed, "Oh my God, they feel real." Nurse D smiled and said she hopes it helps me. I started to cry.

When I got home that evening, I told my husband whose first reaction was "Damn, why did I miss that appointment?"  Then, he asked, "Well, what did they feel and look like?"  I looked at him and answered, "well, I didn't man-handle them but yes, they looked and felt real." Then he said, "Wow, and that was more than a decade ago, think of the improvements they've made since then."

So, now I'm wondering, am I a B- or C-cup girl?

The Wondering Texan

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Year of Change

A little over a year ago, my life changed in ways I couldn't have imagined. On December 15, 2009, I awoke to face my last day in my corporate job in the Dallas/Fort Worth area after being laid off. Unlike how I probably should have felt, I was in the best mood driving into work. I was going to start my own freelance writing business and work from home. I was thrilled at the prospect of spending more time with my husband and family. Finally, my own boss!

However, that feeling quickly changed when I arrived home early that afternoon and received a call from my doctor's office. Seems that they found something on my mammogram and I needed to come back in for another mammogram and sonogram. Well, to make a long story short, my worst fear was confirmed. After more tests and surgery, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. To grasp with the situation, my husband and I went to a local bar to have drinks, when I finished my wine, I ordered another. This surprised him since I usually don't drink much. I looked at him and said, "alcohol isn't my enemy. Bring me another!" We laughed and then he said, "I feel guilty for laughing, but it's true!"

Months of blood tests, surgery, chemo and radiation followed. Then, as I was settling into my cancer fighting routine, my husband received a terrific job offer in South Texas. So, in August 2010, he moved down there to start work while I tried to sell our house in the Mid-Cities. Finally, we have a prospective buyer and will be moving close to the Texas coast. My husband grew up in South Texas whereas I grew up in Fort Worth. This will be a big change for me. I'm going to miss trees, occasional snowfalls and being close to all of my friends and family.

Anyway, I've learned a couple of things over the last year. Believe it or not, there are upsides to being diagnosed with a serious illness. First, no one blames you for wanting to take a nap. Secondly, you have permission to eat just about anything and no one cares. Thirdly, when people think you're going to drop dead at any moment, they confide to you things that most priests don't hear. They all are in trouble if I live to be 80! And lastly, for the first time in my life, my new hair has grown back healthy and curly! Not the stick straight, flat mess I had before.

On a more serious note, the upsides have also included a renewed appreciation for my husband and a deeper bond between us; a new wonderful friend, Sara, who I met during radiation; courage to relocate and try something totally new to me; and I've lost 13 pounds because of practicing yoga, daily walks and weightlifting. No more muffin top! Even though I still have reconstruction to go, I'm loving my new body and tighter buns. Needless to say, my husband does too.

So, as I enter my late forties, I'm wondering why this all happened to me in such a short time frame? Why has life taken such a turn? Although I'm unsure of my future, I'm also excited to be beginning a new journey. My husband says I can grew lemon trees down in South Texas. Maybe I'll start a grove of lemon trees and make gallons of lemonade.

The Wondering Texan