Finding Supporters in a Time of Crisis

As my blog on April 4 stated, we went to West Texas to visit some close friends who have recently lost their father.

While I was there, I talked with some remarkable women in their 70s who have fought and won against breast cancer. For me, it was so therapeutic to hear their stories of survival. One lady was diagnosed in 1968 and was given only a small chance to survive. She had a husband and two young sons ages 4 and 3. She had a mastectomy and lymph node removal and for several years worried about the "what if's." Another lady was more recently diagnosed with breast cancer and her only complaint was her reconstruction.

I've also met some other similarly brave women who have 20 to 30 years on me. Most were diagnosed more than 10 years ago and they are still kicking up their Jimmy Choo's. There's a support group in Fort Worth called Bosom Buddies who was started by a friend. They meet regularly to discuss doctors, issues and the latest treatments.

Probably the best advice I can give to someone facing a similar situation (other than getting the best medical team possible), is to carefully select the people you associate with. When I was first diagnosed, people came out of the woodwork. I hadn't even heard of some of them. But through a process of elimination, I learned that not all breast cancers are the same. Not all doctor treatments are the same. And not all people have the same disposition. The key is to find the people who believe in you and who you trust.

For me, I started to develop my own support group. My friend Sara who I met in radiation, our new friend Laura who is currently undergoing chemo, and these older ladies who went through the process back in the 1960s through the 1980s, all have played a key role in my recovery.

Also, beware of the people who view you as an impending train wreck. It won't be hard to recognize them. They are the ones who never before called you or asked you out for coffee, invited your kids over, or generally gave a flip about you. But all of the sudden, they want all of the details. Hard to believe, but yes, there are people like that who will have no redeeming value in your fight. All I can say about them is to smile and walk away. The faster the better.

Also, it's been pretty surprising how my husband has found some other men who have faced breast cancer in their wives, sisters or mothers. It's been very supportive for him to have other men to talk to.

That's it for today. Hope this small piece of advice can help someone who either has recently been diagnosed or is currently going through treatment. 

Just wondering, what did survivors do before breast cancer was an open topic to discuss?