Right before she left our house, she turned to me and asked, "mom, can I borrow your cell phone in case I need you?" It made my heart skip. For months now she's been rolling her eyes, begging me not to buy her clothes, and pleading for a new phone (she lost hers). But, when she asked to stay connected to me, I just melted into a puddle. Apparently, I know a thing or two about handling kids.
As she left the house with a big grin on her face my mind sailed back to October 1998 when she was born. It was labor in every sense of the word since she was stuck in the birth canal. Thirty hours of pain, two trips to the hospital (the first time we were sent back home), the use of forceps and the threat of a C-section. As my husband later said, "it's a good thing you couldn't see the forceps, I nearly passed out." I think hospitals may buy them under farm and ranch equipment in the Yellow Pages.
Anyway, after she was born, she was pissed. I guess she was just as tortured as I was. In the years since, she really hasn't lost her pissed off attitude when it comes to me. She's also hard headed, a trait from her father. But to the outside world, she's an angel.
So yesterday, by saying that simple sentence, it meant to me that somewhere deep inside her, she realizes that we have a special bond. That all of this other "stuff" clouds our thinking at times, but once the noise clears, we have some great talks.
She returned home two hours later with $16. I asked her for a loan. She just grinned and went up to her room to squirrel it away.
So, when people ask me what was the hardest thing about cancer, I say, "staying brave for my kids when I wanted to pull the sheets over my head and cry all day." But yesterday was a reminder that staying brave was the right thing to do so I can continue to see these "firsts" in their lives.
Today is a beautiful day and I'm going to an arts festival with my two cancer survivor buddies. Wondering, do you think I could borrow some money from my daughter to buy some beer? I'll pay her back!
The Wondering Texan
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